Inspiration & Revealing Your Truth (Brave Girl's Club)

First of all, I would like to thank a friend of mine (Alicia B.) for introducing me to "Brave Girls Club" about 2 years ago when she posted the link in one of her facebook posts. Here is the link if any of you are interested and would like to check it out. http://bravegirlsclub.com/ Today I am doing something that is probably the most difficult thing for me to talk about. I will be "revealing my truth". I am usually a pretty private person, but writing helps me to cope and release my emotions. I would like to share a little bit about what is going on in my life and family right now. Some of you know, and some of you dont. But because of other peoples actions, we are dealing with the aftermath of emotional trauma and baggage our oldest son carries with him. It is hard and discouraging at times, wondering if things will ever change or if he will ever make connections with his actions and quit being so impulsive. Because he is going to have to go through more intensive treatment he has even tried running away with a friend's brother who is a known drug dealer. Part of it is his age, some of it is his ADHD, but most of it we believe is due to the abuse, dysfunction, neglect, and trauma he experienced as a child. As his 3rd mother, I wonder if I will ever fully bond with him or ever be able to trust him fully and vice versa. From the time we adopted him, he literally would do naughty things on purpose, making it hard for me to love him. This is something that kids with grief and attachment issues do. He would lie to us, steal from us, call me fat, make fun of me, say things behind my back to his friends, hurt his siblings, and accuse me of child abuse. (Much like our other foster daughter did)Those of you who have taken in foster kids understand this is pretty typical. It has been hard being patient with myself and with him and with others who have been very judgemental and ignorant of George's background and why we continue to take foster kids in. We have also had wonderful friends and neighbors who have loved George unconditionally, and us, who have taken him under their wing and befriended him. We have made great strides with him and see great things happening because of the unconditional love we have for him too, but it is discouraging at times because as soon as something good happens, he chooses to take 20 steps back. It has been a long hard road with him the last 8 years. We have made many great memories with him and shared a lot of good and happy times together, however as his parents it has been emotionally, mentally, and physically taxing at times. We have been accused, blamed, and judged by many who have had no clue of what we have gone through with him. He has also been judged and treated badly by others as well. Especially in our former neighborhood. Other boys in the neighborhood would call him horrible names and kids at school were unkind. We had to move to get him out of the hole he was in at Central Davis Jr and now the same one he has climbed back into with the same type of crowd, because they accept and befriend him. I have tried to hide and get through periods of deep depression,anxiety, and have carried the physical weight of my stress putting on 60 lbs since I was married. Today I am revealing my truth that I am not doing well. George is not doing well. Our family is not doing well. We are getting by and doing our best to hang in there, and stay positive, but it is hard for me to get out of bed each day and take care of my other children. While Toby works through the night and sleep most of the day. Working part-time at night has helped me tremendously, and I have made some close friends who are also going through similar things, which I am very grateful for. I worry about the emotional pain he has caused our family because of the pain he is carrying from past trauma. As we try and heal, wounds seem to always come open again. It is so intense sometimes it becomes almost unbearable. It has effected my marriage,family relationships, and we are currently undergoing individual and family therapy. I am not writing these things to complain or throw a pity party for myself, we all go through trials and have our own personal crosses to carry. I am only writing as a release and to create understanding and provide empathy,friendship, and love to all who may be going through hard things too. Sometimes behind the smiles, people are hurting and going through things we dont know or understand. Health problems, financial problems, relationship problems, gender issues, self-esteem issues, body image issues. So it is my plea that we are more gentle on everyone around us, more gentle on ourselves, and more willing to help "bare one anothers burdens that they may be light" as we go through this roller coaster ride called "life". We've all heard the saying "Time heals all wounds" but I believe "Love heals all wounds". Yes time helps but without love none of us would survive. We must all remember that each of us is still becoming and growing, making mistakes and learning. As we are patient with others we also need to be patient with ourselves. Caterpillars turn into butterflies, coal can be turned into diamonds, and sand can turn into a beautiful pearl. This is my truth, and I will not be ashamed anymore or try to carry the weight of it on my own. Now to all those who bothered to read all this, I pose the same question: "What is your truth?" As I've gone through this trial I have tried to focus on gratitude and being grateful for all the blessings I have. I have also tried to make it a point to serve others and help them with their own trials. This has helped me to focus on the positive and get out from under the blues of depression. Getting out of the house, and making myself get outside myself and my comfort zone. So if you are feeling blue, get outside, (outside your house and outside yourself) and count your blessings. Find someone you can serve, or someplace where you can share your gifts and talents while at the same time appreciating others gifts and talents. We are all in this together! ASPIRE to INSPIRE...sweet and simple right? But so true. We all can be an inspiration to someone, who will you inspire today?